For many of us, life is hectic, difficult to schedule, unmastered, out of our control, undermanaged, overmanaged, unrealistic, unfair, overwhelming…. you name it! When we hear the word ‘life’, depending upon our experiences, thoughts, beliefs, etc., our mind can begin considering a variety of descriptions. For the purposes of this article, we will consider life as being the experiences we have within the world we live; and environment in which we live, work, play, worship, and so forth.
As previously stated, our individual life is dependent upon our individual experiences. It is then dependent upon our individual reactions to these experiences.
For example, my husband and I react differently to how people think of us (or, in how we think people think of us). I tend to get very upset if I feel that someone misunderstood me; and I become internally affected by my thoughts of having let someone down. My husband, on the other hand, is able to realize that if he was misunderstood, the person will either be able to handle it, or they will ask him about it. He is able to move forward much more quickly than I can. Another example is two children raised in abusive homes. One child will become a very well-adjusted adult, while the other child will become addicted to alcohol or food, for example. These are two very simple and brief examples of how people can react differently to the same situation. I believe that you get the jest of what I am meaning as far as differences of people in the world.
My focus is on people who suffer pain, whether physical, emotional, or other. The pain doesn’t have to be something felt, such as a broken bone, being hit, and such. The pain can be experienced emotionally, such as being rejected by peers or a family member. It can be a result of experiences from childhood or adulthood. Or, many times, it is from having a medical issue, a death of a family member, friend, or pet. I believe you now have the picture of what physical and emotional pain can be.
Each person reacts in their own way to life events. Although this article is focusing on negative life events, I do realize that there are many positive life events we each experience. However, when we are strolling through life, experiencing one positive life experience after another, we tend to not experience the pain which brings us to a negative place. This negative place does different things to different people. Some people will turn to a vice such as alcohol, illegal or prescription drugs, food, pornography and sex, or gambling. These are the most common forms of misusing a substance or of addiction; yet, there are many other ways people mis-use something or have an addiction. Other people will turn to religion or new-age ideals. And, there are people who will not take care of their needs, such as hygiene, eating healthy, getting proper amounts of sleep, and exercising. Of course, some people will fall into two or more of these categories.
It is important for us to be aware of what we are feeling, when we are experiencing negative thoughts or behaviors, and how we are reacting to them. This is what is meant by making ourself a priority. As an adult, if we do not make ourself a priority, who will? When we do not make an effort or take the time to make ourself a priority, we allow everything and everyone else to be the top priority. Obviously, when we have children who rely on us, they are a top priority; or when we have a job, that is a priority. However, I am speaking of the tip of the iceberg priority; the star on the Christmas tree priority, the cherry on top of the sundae priority. We must put ourself on the very top of our priority list.
This in no way means that every second of every day we are going to be the priority. It does mean that we will have a list of things which are a must for us to do for ourself. In doing for ourself, we really are doing for others. This is one of my struggles. Honestly, I have a very poor self image. I generally tend to feel that I do not deserve this or that. I am one who struggles with putting myself first; making myself a priority. I have been in this ‘struggle’ for over 30 years! And, I know I am not alone. This is my ‘why’. Those who need encouragement, motivation, and messages of love are my ‘why’. I share my heart, my gut, my mind, and my soul in the hopes that a few people will KNOW they are not alone, either.
So, we are in this together! We begin today. Let’s take one step toward making ourself a priority. Lent is a perfect time for this. The Lenten Season is a time of dying to ourselves so that we may be renewed. It is a time of letting go of the old in order to begin anew. I like to say that you have to make changes in your life to see changes in your life. This means that I cannot continue to binge eat every three or four days, as I continue to sit in my chair for eight to twelve hours a day; and then expect to lose the 40 plus pounds I want to loose. If I want to see the change of dropping 40 pounds off of my frame, then I have to make changes! Am I right? Do I hear an AMEN?! Yes, I have to MAKE some CHANGES in my own life in order to SEE CHANGES in my own life.
Now, let’s look at what we can do. The list of things include, but are not limited to: stay focused on what the goal is, DO THE WORK, get counseling, study scripture, pray, sing, reach out to those who can and will support you, find a mentor, eat healthy, and exercise. For those of us who have an addiction, we must be looking at that whole picture, too. There are the 12 Steps that we can work, meetings to attend (AA, OA, NA, CA, SA, etc.), mentors to help us, rehabilitation centers to check into, and more. Also, there are resources which do not utilize the traditional 12-Step approach. Such resources are Celebrate Recovery, SOS, SMART Recovery, and WFS (to name a few).
I have walked with a couple of women through their attempts to end their addiction (or gain control over it). I have spoken with several women about their addiction. It is not easy to walk the journey alone. My experience with these women has taught me that not everyone benefits from the 12-Step based programs; yet, I have also met many, many people who praise these programs. I know of people who deny they have an addiction. I have spoken with people who told me they know they have an addiction, but they do not want to stop using. And, I know several people who desire to stop using, yet struggle with finally ‘getting there’.
I am not a professional in this field, and I am definitely not claiming to know ‘it all’ (because I don’t). I do know that addiction has affected my own life, as well as the lives of many loved ones, friends, and acquaintances. I have watched lives be shattered. I have witnessed families being torn apart. I have awareness of children being removed from their homes. I have seen the pain of adult children who just want their parent(s) to be well.
I have written this particular article with a troubled, compassionate, concerned, and loving heart. It is just as much for me as it is for my readers. My desire is for the craziness to stop! I want myself, loved ones, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers, to get off of this crazy ride. And, I know that we can; and I know that we will….. with encouragement, motivation, loving support, hard work, and most importantly…. by making ourself a priority! Let’s do this!! May God shine His light, love, mercy, grace, and peace upon you today, tomorrow, and always.
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